


better off

by bisexualdeanwinchester



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Lack of Communication, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Pete has issues, Post-Summer of Like, Summer of Like, Sweet Little Dudes, gerard just wants what's best for his brother, lipstick love letter, man there's a lot of tags, mikey makes some bad choices, pete can't communicate, petekey, probably lots of accidental puns concerning the word 'way', very very very veeeeery slight dubcon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3841939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualdeanwinchester/pseuds/bisexualdeanwinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>pete and mikey over the years.<br/> </p><p>(or, some self-indulgent petekey shit that sounded like a good idea at three in the morning)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i'm not sure if it matters

**Author's Note:**

> title is (however abstractly) from bang the doldrums
> 
> btw this is completely un-beta'd so all the mistakes are mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pete says goodbye. mikey has some doubts.

"pete?" mikey asks softly. he's lying with his head on pete's chest while they watch star wars.  
"mm?" pete idly cards his fingers through mikey's hair and his eyes don't leave the screen.  
"will we... is this gonna keep going, after the tour?"

there's no hesitation as pete says, "no." he's still just sitting there as if nothing has changed.

mikey nods faintly. "oh." he hates that it's so easy for pete to casually tell him this, because it obviously means he doesn't think their (mikey wouldn't go so far as to call it a relationship, but 'fuck buddies' isn't right either) time together meant much. he blinks back the tears suddenly stinging his eyes and takes a few deep breaths.

later, they don't fuck so much as they make love; at least, that's how mikey views it. pete takes his time in making him fall apart and gently putting him back together. afterward, mikey clings to him with all he's got. he doesn't want this to end.

he wakes up alone.

the only remnant of the night before is a fading hickey on his neck. he sits up and runs a hand through his hair.-

"what the hell...?" he's got something red all over his arm. he fumbles with his glasses and looks at it.

he can barely read pete's handwriting on a good day, but he'd recognize it anywhere, even scrawled in what appears to be lipstick (where the hell did pete find lipstick?). the words are smudged and mikey can't make out the original message.

he doesn't know what to do with himself, so his body's response is to cry. gerard find him not five minutes later.

"he left?"

mikey nods, feeling pathetic. "i knew he would... last night i asked him if we would still-"

gerard interrupts him and sits beside him."oh, mikes, if you knew what he was gonna say, then why did you-"

"i don't know, okay? i thought i could at least get him to talk about it, but he just said no. then we-" he gestures at the mark on his neck. "and he left. he wrote something on my arm but i can't read it..."

his brother gently takes his arm and inspects it. after a moment, a look of pity crosses his face.

"what? what does it say?" mikey demands.

gerard sighs and says, "he... it says 'goodbye, mikey. i love you." 

"you've gotta be fucking joking," mikey gets out.


	2. talking's just a waste of breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mikey's coming apart at the seams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've added to the pile of petekey...

gerard spends the next few months slowly putting the pieces of mikey back together again.

pete hasn't called, hasn't made any effort to see him. perversely, that seems to help. mikey was honestly starting to feel better, then infinity on high came out.

"he's gotta be fuckin' insane," gerard tells him over the phone upon listening to the album.

"why, does it suck?" mikey asks. he's sprawled on his couch, too listless to move. he worries that what happened between him and pete has somehow negatively affected pete's songwriting.

"of course not, it's beautiful. just... you have to listen."

so mikey does.

mostly, he's okay, rationalizing that most of these lyrics are kinda vague and could be about anyone.

until, that is, bang the doldrums begins.

he hears pete's voice in place of patrick's as the lyrics progress. he pretends it doesn't hurt, but there's no way in hell this song isn't about him.

"better off as lovers? what the fuck, pete," he mutters.

before he can stop himself, he calls pete.

"how in the hell was that a love song?" he demands.

"i meant what i said." pete sounds almost defiant.

"you never said anything." mikey points out.

"wrote, then. even if it was in lipstick."

"obviously you didn't. you left me."

pete doesn't even dignify that with a response; he hangs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ta-da.
> 
> i'll probably update this again soon, but it depends on how lazy i am, so we'll see.


	3. retox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mikey decides he's okay.

eight years after the 'summer of like', pete calls mikey and asks if he wants to get dinner the next time he's in l.a.

"i mean, if you want to...?" he says hesitantly, like he's afraid of mikey's reply.

mikey sighs. "yeah, pete, that'd be great." he has no willpower when it comes to pete, even after all this time.

so of course he flies out to l.a. as soon as he can, heedless of his brother's warnings.

"it's just fuckin' dinner, gee, nothing more." he's tired of having to convince gerard of this.

"oh, c'mon, mikey. you and i both know you're still not over him. do you honestly think this is gonna help?"

mikey leaves without arguing any more.

the entire time he's with pete, neither one of them mentions what happened that summer.

instead, they make terrible small talk. "man, i can't get over how different you look now," mikey laughs. "i mean, no emo fringe or eyeliner? 2007 you would be insulted."

pete grins. "yeah, that was a terrible year for my wardrobe. but hey, you've changed your look since then too." they continue pointing out how awful everyone used to look in the early 2000s.

"who let patrick think trucker hats were attractive?" mikey asks.

chuckling, pete adds, "and the sideburns? ugh."

overall, it doesn't go nearly as bad as mikey'd thought it would. he was able to spend time with pete without thinking of what'd happened. it was definitely progress.

mikey's almost sure he's over pete. they've kept up an easy friendship over the past few years, and though he still thinks of their history on occasion, it stops hurting.

then, of course, american beauty/american psycho comes out.


	4. like i did yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gerard says no. pete doesn't listen.

"dibs," pete mumbles. some really pretty dude has just walked into the bar he's hanging out in with gerard.

"no," gerard tells him, lazily smacking his arm.

pete rolls his eyes. "why not? " he pouts. he's only half-focused on whatever gerard's saying, busy trying to keep an eye on the hot guy.

"you are not calling dibs on my brother, that's why not."

"so that's the mysterious mikey way," muses pete. mikey really is unfairly attractive. "how come you never told me your brother was hot?"

"'cause i didn't want you doin' this," gerard replies, tipping back the last of his beer.

pete is still distracted by mikey. he's across the room sitting on one of the bar stools and talking to andy about god knows what. "oh, come off it, gee. he's got a nice face, and i'm admiring that. i can't get into his pants from all the way over here, so calm yourself."

mikey laughs at something andy says, and pete feels an irrational surge of jealousy.

"you mind if i go take him away from andy? and maybe never give him back?" he asks, looking back at gerard, who raises an eyebrow.

"you're jealous that andy made him laugh? dude, you've never even met the kid. for all you know, you could hate him."

"pretty sure i couldn't."

"out of everyone here, you had to choose my brother?" he doesn't sound genuinely annoyed, just resigned, which pete takes as a 'go ahead'.

he plants a sloppy kiss on gerard's cheek. "love ya, gee."

making his way (ha, way) over to mikey, he wonders why he feels jealous about him even talking to andy. he doesn't get very far in that line of thought because andy spots him and waves him over.

"ah, the infamous mikey way," pete says, grinning.

mikey pushes up his glasses. "the equally infamous pete wentz, i presume?"

"you've heard of me, then?" pete's surprised he's handling this well.

mikey's eyes twinkle as he replies, "only in legends."

pete claims the stool beside mikey's. "really," he says, eyeing him. "guess that makes me legendary, huh?"

"guess i'll have to find out for myself, won't i?"

it takes pete a moment to recognize this as flirting. he's not too sure how to handle that, so he changes the subject. "so. what kinda stories have you heard about me?"

"oh, y'know, the usual. lyrical god, bass genius, the like," mikey waves his hand in dismissal. "and although i'm intrigued by other uses for your skills as a bassist, that's not what i wanna hear about."

"then what do you wanna hear about, mikeyway?" pete is pretty sure this is the beginning of something really, really important. he just doesn't know what yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case no one noticed, this chapter is a flashback to when they first met from pete's pov


	5. your starless eyes remain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pete isn't okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo sorry about the update taking forever but i was doing hella research for this fic so
> 
> also: the title of this chapter is an mcr lyric that relates to something i found in one of pete's ancient livejournals so props to you if you catch the reference

pete feels empty.

no, empty isn't the right word. empty means hollow, and pete just feels dead. not like he wants to be, just like he is.

he feels... heavy, inside, and maybe that has to do with the tour rapidly drawing to a close, maybe it doesn't.

he feels like there's a weight in his stomach, not dragging but slowly and carefully pulling him down.

pete can't tell whether he's getting this feeling from commitment issues or if something's actually wrong with him.

he and mikey need to decide how things will go between them, because the sun is setting on their summer and he doesn't know what to do. he doesn't want to be without mikey, but he's afraid of what staying after the tour will mean.

mikey can tell pete's not himself and tries to take his mind off it. instead of sneaking off together like they always do, they just sit side by side watching tv. pete knows mikey wants to cuddle or something, but he can't bear the thought of being touched right now, hasn't let mikey touch him in days.

"you gonna talk about this with me?" mikey asks him one day.

pete just shakes his head.

"if you ever need to, i'm here."

he nods.

"do you feel like you did in february?"

"i don't know."

they sit in silence after that.

pete's mind is going all over the place, jumping from one thought to the next. an idea startles him: break up with mikey.

he doesn't know why he'd ever think that. from the moment he first laid eyes on mikey, pete's never wanted to let him go. lately, though, he's been acting distant.

pete frets, albeit listlessly, that he's not enough for him, or that he's boring him, or any number of things. maybe it's the right thing to do. after all, the tour's nearly over, and the heat of summer can only last for so long. they haven't really talked about what they'll do when the time to part arrives, but pete's almost certain mikey won't want to stay.

then again, no one has ever left promises of love against his skin the way mikey does. pete's never given himself up to anyone the way he has with mikey, never allowed himself to be vulnerable. he's not sure if he'd want to with anyone but mikey.

in a sick way, mikey's saved him: he felt so fucking lost, then he met mikey, and it was like someone flipped a switch. instead of his every thought being miserable or anguished, they started to center around him. sure, there'd been good days, and he thanks the god he's not quite sure he believes in that the day he met mikey was one of them. and after that one good day that'd stood alone in a sea of bad ones, mikey's mere presence started to turn the tides. 

he doesn't know what to do. everything he thinks is disjointed and confusing and it's all too much.

so he pretends through the nights that he isn't thinking of leaving, that everything's okay, tries to make it through the days of everyone asking questions.

"what's gonna happen with you and mikey?" from patrick;

"swear to god, if you break his heart..." from a drunken frank;

and finally: "is this gonna keep going, after the tour?" from mikey himself.

the only answer pete has to offer him is "no."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp.
> 
> that was heavy. ish. anyway now you know what pete was thinking.
> 
> this chapter, too, is a flashback.


	6. what it's like to be me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pete's fucking ridiculous.

pete streams the album before its official release, evidently taking the leaks in stride. with each song he leaves a little caption, and only one really stands out to mikey.

"t'es la plus belle saison de ma vie," he reads aloud, likely mispronouncing the french.

before listening to the song, he googles the phrase.

mikey freezes.

it translates to 'you are the most beautiful season of my life'.

he doesn't know if it's about someone else, or what it means, really, but before he can overthink it, he listens to the song.

"damn you, pete," he breathes when it's finished.

like magic, his phone rings. he's simultaneously relieved and disappointed that it's gerard.

"don't do anything stupid," gerard tells him before he can say anything.

"i'm not, gee, i'm just sitting here."

gerard sighs with relief. "good. have you heard it yet?"

"yeah."

"and you're okay?"

"i think so." 

ostensibly, gerard stays on the phone for the next ten minutes to check in with how mikey's life has been lately, but mikey knows his brother better than that. he's just trying to keep mikey occupied.

mikey thanks god that it's bandit's bedtime. he loves his brother, but he doesn't want to keep pretending he's okay.

he's not.


	7. do you wanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mikey finally confronts pete. pete doesn't like confrontation.

against his better judgement, mikey texts pete, hands shaking.

'did you mean that too?'

pete replies instantly. 'every word, mikeyway.'

'why would you do this now?'

pete calls him. mikey accepts the call with bated breath.

"because ten years is too long for me to go without writing songs about you, mikes."

he laughs, almost bitterly. the pain in it must be contagious, because mikey feels a familiar ache in his stomach.

"pete..."

"do you want me to say i didn't mean it?"

"i want you to say you're sorry that you left me to wake up with nothing but lipstick and hickeys to prove you were ever there."

pete sighs. "look, i am sorry, you of all people should know i wasn't in the best frame of mind that summer, not after what'd happened in february... but i'm not sorry for leaving."

mikey's utterly confused. "usually, pete, when you haven't seen someone in a long time and then you go write a song about them, your first real conversation with them shouldn't be you saying you're not sorry for breaking their heart."

"mikey, you and i both know it wouldn't have ended well. there would've been pain and tears and i... i just didn't want to see you cry."

"so instead you left without saying a word."

laughing awkwardly, pete says, "that's not true, i wrote a very classy note on your arm."

mikey looks down at his left forearm, remembering how much that morning had hurt.

"where the hell did you get lipstick, anyway? or do you just carry some around for when the occasional goodbye note is needed?"

"it was on gerard's bed, actually. next best thing to a sharpie, which i couldn't find."

they're silent for a moment.

"did you mean it? what you wrote that night?"

pete hangs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how are y'all liking this so far
> 
> am i shit at writing this ship or should i keep going
> 
> let me know


	8. constellation of tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pete's sorry.

mikey groans, frustrated. he was finally gonna get closure, then pete decides to be an asshole.

he doesn't know what to do with himself, but he can't do nothing. so he ends up sitting in his bedroom, idly playing his bass. he wonders why his life is so fuckin' ridiculous.

the doorbell rings, and he gets a mysterious text from patrick telling him to answer it.

he does, but the last thing he expects to find is pete fucking wentz on his doorstep.

he's wearing the white jacket the two of them shared so long ago, and mikey is dumbstruck.

the only thing that comes out of his mouth is "blonde?"

pete smiles ruefully. "yeah, it was a good idea at the time. guess i was thinking of you."

"oh."

he doesn't know why pete is here. he really, really doesn't want to.

"i missed you, mikes," pete says softly.

mikey's sure pete must be able to hear his heart pounding in his chest.

"you... you can't say that. you left me." he can feel his legs shaking. in an attempt to ready himself for what he's sure is gonna be a battle royale, he takes several deep breaths.

"i left you so you wouldn't leave me," pete tells him. he looks like a kicked puppy.

"don't you know i'd never leave you?" mikey asks, stepping towards him. he doesn't know what to do, doesn't know what pete wants him to do.

pete sighs and looks down. "i meant it."

"pete..." mikey can't say anything else.

"i- do you..." pete still isn't looking at him.

mikey gently lifts his chin until their eyes meet.

"of course."

pete's lip quivers. "still?"

mikey nods, smiling even though he's sure he's about to cry.

"i never stopped."

suddenly pete's falling into his arms like this is a fucking chick flick, but this isn't a cliché movie moment; his legs have given out and mikey has to catch him.

"hey, hey," he says, standing pete up again. "you're okay. i'm here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if i ever specified but this is in a kinda canon-divergent au where the summer of like has totally ruined the both of them in the best way
> 
> basically they haven't been with anyone in a serious way but each other
> 
> #SorryNotSorry if you wanted this to be realistic but as i said before this is hella self-indulgent


	9. self-esteem to match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mikey tries to fix pete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's where things become hella canon-divergent so if you're not into that i suggest you read it anyways
> 
> also i cannot stress enough how un-beta'd this is so if you spot any glaring mistakes feel free to laugh and then let me know so i can fix them

pete looks so lost. mikey's never seen him like this. he can't fathom how to fix him.

the first thing that comes to mind is to kiss him. mikey hesitates, but pete's slight trembling and tear-filled eyes make the decision for him.

pete just melts into him. mikey slowly walks them inside, still supporting him. he gently lies pete down on the couch, not letting go of him.

mikey carefully settles on top of him, kissing him insistently. he hopes this can say what he could never find the words to.

he thinks pete's beginning to understand, because he's slowly tangling his hands in mikey's hair, but he abruptly pulls away.

"no, mikey, stop, you can't let someone like me fuck you up, not again," pete pleads from under him. "you don't deserve it."

mikey only kisses him in reply.

"don't... you can't do this to yourself mikey, please, you'll only regret it later, i'm not worth it."

people had always assumed mikey was the more 'tortured soul' out of the two of them, and maybe that was true once, but the way pete looks right now, mikey can't see how it ever was. he's begging, his golden eyes wide and filled with desperation.

"pete. do you honestly think i would have spent all this time loving you if i thought i'd regret it, or that you weren't worth it? i know what i'm getting myself into here. i know you're fucked up, and believe me, so am i. but that doesn't mean i don't want everything you've got, okay? this is your choice. it's up to you to decide whether you want this... if you want me."

pete doesn't bother with words. he just buries his face in mikey's neck.

"i miss you," he says after a long while.

"i'm here."

"you won't leave?" he sounds like he might cry.

"no, pete. i'm not leaving you."

the rest of the night goes much the way it did just before pete left, although this time around it's mikey lovingly taking care of pete, and instead of waking up alone the next morning, he finds pete still sleeping in his arms.

there's nothing more satisfying than this. ten years ago, he was afraid, at first, that pete would disappear overnight, never to be seen again. but as time had passed, the heat of summer transitioned from an intense burn to a consistent warmth. he stopped worrying that he'd be alone, and started hoping he never would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah.
> 
> that happened.
> 
> hmu on tumblr:  
> theartistformerlyknownasronald


	10. the worst that i could say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh sorry for the lack of updates but in my own defense i did start writing domesticity and like two other one shots so

when pete wakes up, he's surprised to find mikey still in his arms. he was terrified that he'd find himself alone in the wake of what they'd done, so he pulls mikey closer and holds him tightly.

"what are you, a snake? calm down, i'm not going anywhere," mumbles mikey without opening his eyes.

"sorry." pete loosens his grip but still keeps him close.

"i'm not going anywhere," mikey repeats firmly.

pete just nods. he's so overly full of feelings, some he doesn't even know how to name, that he's afraid to say anything lest they all come spilling out.

"what's changed since i saw you last? you used to give gerard a run for his money in the never-shutting-up department, and now you can't say more than one word," mikey says, propping himself up on an elbow. "are you okay?"

"i'm fine, i'm just- i want... are you gonna stay?"

"nothing in the world could take me away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i acknowledge that this is hella short but at least it's here


	11. never mind about the shape i'm in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ok sorry for the hella lack of updates there is lots of other petekey (and frerard) I've written in the meantime though so hey

he feels disgusted with himself. he just fucked up the most important thing that could ever happen to him, and he hates himself for it.

everyone has already started berating him for what he's done, but nothing can compare to the things he's already thought.

"you made him cry," frank says accusatorily. they're at some awards show and while pete was steadfastly avoiding mikey, frank cornered him and is now staring him down. "you made him fucking cry."

"i fucking know," pete says. he's already fucking miserable.

"well, then, what the fuck?" he snaps. "what the actual motherfucking fuck, wentz?"

"i don't fucking know," pete answers.

"you told me," frank says, and the venom in his voice is practically tangible. A few people walk by, gerard among them. he takes a moment to rein himself in, most likely because gerard's there. "you told me. you. would. not. hurt. him."

"yeah, well, i also told patrick i didn't want to die last year. newsflash, i can fucking lie."

frank's face shifts minutely. "what the fuck, wentz?" he says, but he walks away.

 

patrick's approach is guilttripping. he tries to make pete feel bad about what he's done, but pete just falls silent and ignores him completely.

gerard just tells him that he fucked up, to which he replies "i fucking know."

he's still drowning in his own head, his own awful thoughts swirling around and mixing with everyone else's words and it makes him sick.

writing helps a little. It's like opening his veins, letting some - but never all, he isn't that lucky - of those thoughts flow into awful metaphors and shitty, thinly veiled references to what he's lost.

that's how he thinks of it, as having lost something, because he knows it wasn't him that did what he did. it couldn't have been the sane, sentient version of himself.

he just hopes it can make up for what was done.


End file.
